On Journey : Inflight blues

Taking off over the salt pans at Faro
Goodbye, Algarve!

‘Excuse me… why are you polishing the window?’  The young man was tall and pale, squashed into his seat beside me on our Ryanair flight from Faro to Leeds.  That was how our conversation began.  I’ve had many on board exchanges over time, but this young man and his troubles really touched me.  I was at the back of the aircraft and my husband far away at the front, because we are too mean to pay the extra to sit together.  We can cope with separation for a couple of hours, and on this occasion I had the compensation of a window seat.  Which is how I came to be polishing my smeary window.

Glancing at him, I replied ‘Because I like to take photos’.  Fair haired and blue-eyed, he nodded.  ‘That makes sense’.  He seemed eager to chat and we exchanged a few details till he sat back, with a sigh.  I thought maybe he was an anxious flier.  We hadn’t yet taken off when he reached beneath the seat and pulled out a full sized wine bottle.  Glugging at it greedily, the flight crew still about to start the safety demonstration.  Time for some friendly advice!  ‘You’re not allowed to drink your own alcohol on board’, I said, feeling a bit hypocritical because, for the first time ever, I had purchased a small rosé in the Duty Free, intending to drink it with my sandwich.  He looked at me.  ‘I need it!’  In a polite, conversational way he explained to me that he has an addictive personality, currently using alcohol, and that he has an appointment with the family doctor in Leeds tomorrow to check him into rehab.

A moment later he was on his phone, to a friend.  I assumed it was a friend.  In close proximity it’s impossible not to overhear someone’s conversation.  I looked out of the window as we began to taxi along the runaway.  He was talking urgently to Tom.  ‘You are going to meet me?  You promised!  My Dad will give you a lift to the airport’.  Almost pleading.  He was near to tears when he switched off the phone.  Out poured the story.  He was gay, and it was hard to trust anybody.  His boyfriend was supposed to bring drugs to the airport to help him till he could see his GP, but he hadn’t got them.  He was desperate to give up alcohol because it was ruining his life.  He had been terrified they wouldn’t let him on the plane home if he was drunk, but his friends had helped him board.  He had spoiled their holiday because he had no self control.

The plane was now in the air, so all he had to do was appear sober a little while longer.  He was waiting anxiously for trolley service to begin, and we talked.  I felt so sorry for him.  25 years old!  I wondered how I could bear it if my own son was in his situation.  He said that he had a good family, and that they would help, if only he could get home.  The middle child, his siblings were successful.  He had managed to work sometimes, but had spent most of his life addicted to drugs, whatever he could get his hands on.  He’d tried to ‘give up’ numerous times.  This time it had to work because his life was completely out of control.

The lakes beside the River Guadiana

He’d been to the Algarve several times before and liked the place and the people.  He was interested in the landscape unfolding below us, and was amazed at the vast area of lakes along the border.  When the trolley pulled alongside he ordered 2 beers and a wine.  I asked if he should have something to eat but he said it was better this way.  He had to drink himself into oblivion and he would sleep.  He downed one can in seconds and slumped back.  Beads of sweat had broken out on his face.  ‘Are you alright, sir?’ asked the air hostess.  He struggled to answer, and she gently informed him that she wouldn’t be able to sell him any more alcohol.  I smiled, despite myself.  After a while he drank the small bottle of wine, and soon his eyes had rolled.  Unless it’s cloudy I’m usually glued to my window throughout a flight, but I couldn’t settle.  I kept watch as he slept, hoping he could make it through the flight.

He jerked half awake, and groped for the remaining can, spilling much of it in his haste.  A male crew member went past and gave him a disgusted look.  I felt defensive for him and wanted to explain that he couldn’t help it.  The stupor overtook him again, mercifully.  With 20 minutes to go, he woke.  The captain had just announced our descent and, with relief, he reached beneath the seat for the last of his wine.  The crew man was just passing back through the cabin, reached over and took it from his hands.  ‘I must have it!’, he protested, to no avail.

We talked some more.  I asked if he would need assistance to get off the plane and he agreed.  He gave me the name of one of his party, a girl, sitting much further down the plane and said he thought she would help.  When we landed, I climbed past him and went to seek the help of the crew man.  Though sceptical, he noted the details.  I went back to say my goodbyes, to wish him luck and to hope that he could get his life back in order   ‘You’re a really nice lady’, he said.  I so hope that his family have been able to help him.  He seemed a really nice boy.

I would probably have kept this sad story to myself if it hadn’t been for Cathy.  I thought it might work for her On Journey invitation, over at Wander.essence.  She has the makings of a novel over there, and much else besides.

116 comments

  1. oh my, the poor young man. The fact he was opening up to you suggests that just maybe this might be the time when he is able to get the help he needs and follow through on the huge amount of work he is going to have ahead of him. So hope he makes it, and well done you for being such a great listener xx

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      1. Wish it was a lull! No more of ‘I really need to change my priorities today and have some fun in WordPress’ and so have fun I am. And reading your window post has made me really realise how important it is to have balance in life 🙂

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  2. Sometimes those by-chance seat mates leave lasting impressions on us. For sure you were a comfort to him. It’s always hard to watch someone with an addiction or emotional illness – almost like watching someone bleed to death – and we have no way of applying the direct pressure to help staunch the bleeding…

    This was a much-different post for you – with few of your trademark (and very lovely) images, yet it is a powerful story. Thank you for responding to the prompt so that your seat mate could teach us lessons via his very-difficult life journey. We also learned about the kindness of strangers!

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    1. I’ve written a few pieces in response to Cathy’s new venture at Wander.essence, Lisa. A couple of my Polish reminiscences are styled like this, but not with such sober subject matter. I always thought of myself as a writer, but my trademark style has become lavish with photographs. 🙂 I felt so badly for this youngster, who could have had the world at his feet. Instead he’s on his knees. I hope there’s a way back for him. Maybe we’ll meet on a plane one day, in happier circumstances. 🙂

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      1. that would be a wonderful moment – to witness the positive changes in a person like that… and to rejoice in his presence.

        i’m soooo far behind on wp, but it was my good fortune to be online (very late at night) to catch up just a tiny bit.

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  4. Its amazing the people you meet on flights isn’t it and the glimpses into other worlds that you get. Sounds like this guy really needs his friends and family to step up to help him through his problems although it seems like he may have a long path to walk. Always makes me wonder how you become like that? Lets hope he’s okay.

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    1. It is, Jonno. 🙂 There but for fortune, I always think. What is it that makes some people alcohol dependent while others can drink like a fish yet not become addicted? I only know that I count myself lucky.

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      1. I guess it’s a catalogue of smaller incidents and moments that push someone down a particular path. Was always a little concerned about our own sons as you can’t control every step they take.

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  5. Oh Jo my heart breaks for this young man. What good luck that your kindness embraced him through the journey. We never know when just giving someone a bit of extra compassion will make the difference in their journey. Bravo to you dear one. An example for all of us.

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    1. I really hope he finds the help he needs, Sue. It was one of my dreads when James was younger that the drugs scene which seems so accepted in music circles would be his undoing. He’s had his share of problems but thankfully never this one. So hard for this youngster’s parents.

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  6. What a sad, yet hopeful story, Jo. I can imagine how you felt chatting to and sitting next to this man with all his troubles. Seeing the effects of alcoholism and addiction first hand, helps us better understand its effects. With you, I hope his family managed to help him and that he is successful with his recovery.

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    1. The more I think about it the less likely I feel he is likely to succeed, Liesbet, but I do so hope that he gets the help he needs. He was a nice young man. 🙂

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  9. Here in my country Jo you can see all these young people to use drugs in common view….. How sad ….

    What You See, What You Don’t

    Crying on the outside and dying on the inside.
    That’s me; that’s all you can see.

    But what you don’t see is that it’s not really me,
    Or at least not the girl that I once used to be.

    I’m drowning in my addiction, this is true,
    But I’m desperately reaching out to you.

    Won’t you throw me a lifeline
    And try to help me save this life of mine?

    Kelly Roper

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  10. A sad story that had me in tears Jo – someone close to me was in a similar situation through drink a few years ago (caused by horrendous family problems) but finally went into rehab and turned life around. Your flight obviously wasn’t ideal but I’m glad you showed this troubled young man some friendliness and compassion when others didn’t – I hope he gets the help and understanding he needs and gets his life back on track. Thank you for sharing x

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    1. I worried that I was hitting a nerve for some people in writing this, Eunice. I couldn’t ignore him. It could have been my own in that situation though they never were. XX

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  17. People are who they are and you can seldom, if ever, change them no matter how self-destructive they are. You did all you could do. Perhaps there is hope for him because he realizes he needs help and (said) he is seeking it.

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  18. Holy cow!! How sad, although I must wonder how on earth he could get a full bottle of wine on board when 3 oz. is the limit here for liquids and gels! In checked luggage, yeah, but in the plane? Just shaking my head at that one. Cheers, Jo, and I completely understand cleaning the window for these great shots, even though I always get the aisle seat for ease of access.

    janet

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  19. What a tragic life. I hope that he is able to get the help he so desperately needs. I’m so glad he had you next to him, showing him compassion, rather than someone who would have just treated him with disgust.

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  20. What a sad story Jo. When I’m travelling alone I enjoy chatting with the passengers next to me if they want to talk a little. The last time I travelled solo the boy next to me said he was getting married the next day in Poland and had been working in England to earn extra money.

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