Who’d have thought the 70th year of my life would turn out like this? I sat on the roof terrace with my daughter recently, and we talked our way back through time. Her memories are so much more vivid than mine. I was just happy to have her sitting beside me, sharing the view of sky, sea and salt marsh that brings me so much pleasure.
Living the dream… 6 months on had me on the verge of an adventure that makes me smile whenever I think about it. The Azores, a true love affair that reunited me with clouds and refreshing rain. That made me want to dance in the puddles like a child. On my return to the Algarve, more doubts set in. Was I really suited to this energy sapping heat? I like to live my life at pace, keeping age at bay you might say. I was assured that this was a cool summer, by Algarve standards, but still it was a relief to return to the UK for most of August. A delight too, to share time with my family, made more precious by their distance from my new life. However hard I try to bridge the gap, with texts and phone calls and Skype, there is no substitute for a hug.
Back in the Algarve, both me and my husband were a little down and disorientated. Though my son’s beaming smile when he announced his engagement was a moment to savour. We tried to find ourselves again. The continuing heat necessitated almost daily trips to the beach, me desperate for a breeze, him happy to laze with the waves lapping his toes. I had ‘discovered’ croquet and a new circle of friends, while he joined a tennis club. We were a little at odds and grumpy with each other, uncertain who to blame for the fading dream. I planned a couple of trips on the water, always guaranteed to make me happy. September drifted past, and gradually mutual friends returned from their summer sojourn. The life we had loved was about to resume… but first, a frenzied October.
We had issued numerous invitations to family and friends on our UK departure. All had given us space to settle in, but October proved to be the tipping point. We welcomed a succession of guests, all of whom seemed to be as dazzled by our Algarve home as we had been. Michael donned his chauffeur cap and I assumed my role as planner and tour guide. All of it very enjoyable, for they were an appreciative audience, and lovely people. At the same time, we were enrolling for a new term of Portuguese lessons (oh dear!) and trying to maintain our social life. I didn’t feel well and slept poorly. But the warmth of responses around me couldn’t be ignored. People were so kind and caring. How could I not respond?
A kaleidoscope of events since then! Walks aplenty, two meetups with lovely blogging friends (in the same week!), entertaining at home (which always makes me nervous, but I needn’t have worried), birthday celebrations, a fantastic light show in Faro. Do I still have regrets? Of course! I wish facility with the language came a little easier. Overheard snippets of conversation that you can’t understand are no fun at all. I’m still trying. The big loss, of course, is the ability to zip down the road to family. I’m not alone in that. But I can honestly say, a year down the line, that this place feels like home, and continues to put a smile on my face. You can’t ask for more, can you? Even for a restless soul.
restlessjo 
My family used to call me Gunner because I was always going to do something but never got around to it. Moving away was one of those things. I do admire you and Mike for being so brave.
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More foolhardy than brave, Andrew. Perhaps if there were more grandies it would be different, but I always had the urge to test out this dream. I can’t say it’s worked out exactly as I expected but it has been a good year. Here’s to a few more 🙂 🙂
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What a lot of very positive comments on this post, Jo. I almost feel I should desist from adding to them but I just have to say how wise you were to take the plunge and try a new life far from home, and how right you are to acknowledge that there are flaws in that life mostly to do with the distance between you and the family. Acknowledging this is half the battle, and at least with cheap travel these days (unless things change after the election and the liars all start to put into effect their threats to impose higher taxes on frequent fliers – how will they define a frequent flyer?) you can make trips home and the family and friends can visit you. Just live in the moment, Jo. Life is short, so keep it sweet.
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Those are wise words, Mari. I don’t have a crystal ball either, and at times that’s a very good thing. So far ‘the dream’ has been very kind to me, and I shall continue to make the most of my full calendar and wonderful opportunities. 🙂 🙂
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what a lovely post from the heart, Jo. i believe, it is where your heart is where you can call it home and bloom. transitions take time i think. i’m slowly treading into the next phase of my life. a bit scary but possibilities abound. i entrust everything to the One who is all-knowing. whose love is overflowing and constant. hugs, dear friend 🙂
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I can’t say that faith makes everything easier, LolaWi, but it must be comforting to feel the warmth of His love, and constant presence in your life. I’m wishing you a long and happy retirement 🙂 🙂
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Agree… it takes too many adjustments to tango with new destination. We have been for a year now in Pune and though a lovely place have still to find my niche.
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The difference here, Indra, is that we have been coming to Tavira for 15 years, and had already made friendships and paved the way. Otherwise I think we might be struggling. 🙂 🙂
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True… previous visits help pave way for final dig in
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Well done, you two. One thing about making a big transition like this is there is little room for complacency or living a life that runs on automatic pilot. There’s a lot to be said for being wide awake and busy adjusting – you really see things – though that can be very tiring too, and as you say, not always very comfortable. So happy anniversary, threee big cheers, and belated birthday greetings. Tx
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I need a social secretary, if you’re up for the post, Tish? 🙂 🙂 Joking apart, life here has been very kind to us, and I don’t think either of us would turn back the clock. Maybe a wistful moment… crisp Autumn mornings… Snow? Never! And the youngsters, of course. But hopefully they have years to fulfill their dreams. Thanks, darlin! Don’t forget to look us up sometime.
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❤
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Thank you for sharing this, Jo. It’s brave of you to share that sometimes you have doubts about your decision. It is hard to relocate to a new place, especially where you don’t know the language, and to leave family behind. Of course, you’re not so far away that you can’t visit them and they you, but still, it makes things more challenging. I so appreciate your sharing of your heart here.
I don’t see this in the post now when I look back on it, so I must have read it somewhere in the comments when I first read the post in my cozy bed this morning (on my phone): that you worry about your children, who don’t have it easy; you worry whether you’re far or near. Of course, you know I can so relate to that. None of my children have it easy, but one of them (my daughter) at least has an outlook that enables her to enjoy life’s pleasures. The other two have made such poor decisions in life that I fear they will always suffer, and in their suffering, they’ll drag us down with them. I look around me and see so many happy families, especially my sister’s; that’s one problem with social media is the happy face people present to the world. That’s why I appreciate your sharing so much. Thank you for this, once again. I feel certain you will settle in happily to your new home and find you fit it increasingly as time goes by, and as you learn more of the language. 🙂
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I do feel for you, Cathy, because I know some of the problems. With mine, one has the prospect of life improving and the challenges are mostly financial. For the other, life is a roller coaster and a treading on of eggshells. But both love their partners so all we can do is help where we can. (you’re right- you did see it in the comments 🙂 ). I’ve often felt on the outside of happy families, as I know you have too. At the end of the day, we make our own destinies, and live with the choices. Hugs, darlin!
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Thanks for the hugs, Jo. I feel quite hopeless about my one child. One is well on her way to figuring out her life at 35, working 3 jobs and doing food-related things, which she loves. The other always has mood and financial struggles, but at least he’s working and supporting himself. He has his old girlfriend moving in with him after Thanksgiving. Their relationship has been up and down, so I hope it will help him rather than send him into a tailspin. At least yours have partners, Jo. I feel a partner has the potential to bolster a person (or maybe not).
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Or drag them down, in the same way that you feel burdened, Cathy. However much she loves him, it’s often not enough to bolster his sagging self esteem. How can it be? He has all the hours to reflect/feel useless while she works to support both of them and try to reassure him. Her own depression sometimes surfaces too, and is it any wonder? But… she loves him. And he is a very lovely young man. Just a tragedy that his life is so much reduced by this illness.
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It’s such a struggle, Jo, and it does lead to depression in the ones who care for the sufferers. Too much time to ruminate is one of the causes of these setbacks, I believe. It really is so sad, and so difficult and frustrating, as well as unpredictable and frightening, to deal with. It would be okay if the person would agree to seek help, but when he or she insists there is nothing wrong, and that he can deal with it alone, and when he doesn’t trust the “system,” what is to be done? I feel it’s like beating my head against a brick wall.
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We’ve had the same situation, Cathy. It’s impossible without their cooperation.
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Exactly, Jo. It’s so incredibly frustrating. 😦
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“Present to the world” may be the key to happy facebook faces. You share Joe’s honesty, but many people don’t. I know I edit out the darker side for public consumption – not that it’s very dark, but some things I don’t share are shameful.
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I have plenty of shameful things too, Meg. Sometimes I share them and sometimes not. It depends how honest I feel like being, and how much I dare to expose my human foibles! 🙂
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So many of our friends and family have created dual lives – summer in Canada, winter in Florida. My husband and I talked about it and agreed this isn’t a lifestyle for us. Does winter grind me down? Absolutely. However, I suspect the problem for me is Florida as a destination. If the alternative was the Algarve … that might be a different story 🙂
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We don’t have a dual life, Joanne. We are fully invested in the Algarve, and don’t have a UK home. But the ties that bind will always be there. 🙂 🙂 You do have to choose very carefully and I would not fancy Florida myself. I would always recommend renting and staying somewhere to see if it’s right for you. 🙂 Lynn Martin (Life after 50) from Canada, was quite keen to return here. I met her and lovely husband not long since.
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How wonderful you got to meet Lynn! She’s a ray of sunshine 🙂
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Change is always hard and in a few years time you will know that you made the best decision for you both.
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In terms of our quality of life now, Colline, it’s quite an easy choice. But life is never so uncomplicated, is it? 🙂 🙂 Thanks for being a listening ear.
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My dear Jo, What a lovely tale of transition. Never look back. I was told that my life here so far away from friends and family wouldn’t work. Of course it did. Enjoy what you have and I would find language the hardest part as well. I will come visit one day so have the cake ready and the aperitivo for the evening to chat about the day x
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The cake is never a problem, Brian. You’ll have to let me know your drink of choice 🙂 🙂
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I’ll just bring a bottle or two 🙂
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I think you are very brave to make such a move, Jo. We know folks who struggled with a move up the coast!
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It was always a dream for me, Ken. Mick has taken to the life here much better than I could ever have imagined. He has no regrets. Lucky man 🙂 🙂
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So interesting to read about your mixed feelings. At one time my OH was keen to settle in the Algarve but with my children & grandchildren within walking distance in the UK I wouldn’t make that choice. Then we both had serious health concerns for which the NHS has been essential so we are happy now driving through Spain twice a year from Bilbao for 6 weeks in the spring & 6 weeks in the autumn. However on a damp day during an English winter I do feel homesick for Portugal!
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We didn’t live close to the youngsters in the UK, Liz. I like Leeds but can’t imagine living there. Same applies to Nottingham. All our friends are in the north east and they can holiday here when it suits. 🙂 🙂 My husband has never liked driving distances, so that’s not an option for us. Nor does he want to maintain a home in the UK. We don’t agree about everything, but we do know that we have a very much better and more interesting life here. And it’s not just the weather. (it’s raining today and I’m still happy 🙂 )
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Has it really been a year? It’s difficult to be far from family, but I suppose it makes time together that much sweeter. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, Jo.
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I kind of made a commitment to share, Jill. I suspect I’ve said more than enough on the subject now. Thank you for listening 🙂 🙂
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A whole year already, Jo! You are good at describing how the different feelings come and go – and they must of course. In the end it seems like you are settled nicely and this is your Home now – and your family is not that far away! I can so understand about the language – even if you are good at languages, it does not come easier as we age. But, it will work. I am sure you understand a lot – even if speaking usually is the most difficult part. Wishing you a lovely Thursday!
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Thanks, sweetheart 🙂 🙂 Juggling my social calendar has become a challenge. I can hardly complain about that, can I? Hugs, darlin!
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Hugs back to you, Jo!
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1 Year on already…wow. I love your honesty Jo. I wish you all the best as you move forward into the next year in Algarve. Xx
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Thank you so much, Mel! It’s certainly been interesting 🙂 🙂
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so glad it is feeling more like home, enjoy the winter months with all your lovely returning walkers and friends. And hopefully we may be some of them come January xxx
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That’s something to look forward to 🤗💕
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A lovely heart-felt post Jo, but I expect nothing other from you. I think most of what I was going to say has already been said. I don’t think however long you live abroad there aren’t times of missing the family so much that it hurts. Even when living the dream. And if the pull of family, especially if more grandies come along, is too strong then you have choices. You have your home in the sun, nothing to stop you having a bolt hole in England too. 😁
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I’ll answer later because I’ve just arrived at t’ai chi. Says it all, doesn’t it? Hugs darlin 🤗💕
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Heehee…
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Even the quiet days are busy! Marie and our other, non-resident, neighbour came for coffee and I’ve just got back to the laptop. Tomorrow Mick is leading a walk (but it might well be rained off- there I’ve mentioned that word again!) then lunch, a Portuguese class and a trip to Olháo in the evening, for Flamenco, of all things 🙂 🙂
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Interesting and honest post Jo. Sounds like you are slowly getting into the Portugese way of life and starting to feel properly at home but it always takes time doesn’t it? Missing friends and family is so tough and I’m not sure you ever get over it, just learn to live with it and look forward to the next visit.
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That’s very fair comment, Jonno. At least they’re not on the other side of the world. 🤗💕 Thanks hon!
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Still tough though Jo and difficult to handle sometimes. We miss our boys so much but it’s just life moving on isn’t it?
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This is a great, honest account of beginning life as an immigrant. I truly loved our new home in France, and felt truly accepted by the inhabitants of our small town. In the end though, what brought us home? Grandchildren. Do I regret returning? Actually, it’s mixed. I love the easy(ish) access to the family (at opposite ends of the country so still not easy), and relish the opportunities to be involved in volunteering in ways that were not possible in France. But I really miss the more relaxed lifestyle we had in France, its scenery: simple things like the greater ease of eating more seasonally and buying local that the markets offered, as well as friends whom we still have frequent contact with. And also the fact that, as immigrants, we were less concerned by the machinations of French national politics. Here – well you know what distresses us here about politics! My daughter’s lived in Spain for almost 10 years now (she was easier to get at from France!) and there’s nothing she doesn’t love about her life there – work, partner,home, friends, lifestyle. But she’s still hit by occasional and quite debilitating bouts of homesickness. I guess the truth is, we can never have it all. Good luck as you continue to integrate. I think you’re doing a great job! x
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Thanks, Margaret 🙂 🙂 I so didn’t want this to be a maudlin account! I’ve had so much joy here. I worry about the kids, neither of whom have an easy life, but truthfully, I’d worry just as much and often as ineffectively, if I were still in the north east. You’re right- nobody has it all! Nor would know what to do with themselves if they had 🙂
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Such an honest and heartwarming post on your first anniversary of starting your new life in the Algarve. There will always be ‘ifs and buts’ about moving there permanently but I’m sure you both made the right decision. Life is about change and it’s good for us to move on and experience different things. I can easily understand how you miss your family but the world is so much smaller now and it’s so easy for both them and you to look forward to visiting each other whenever you want. Here’s to the second year, you’ll probably wonder at the end of it why you didn’t move out to Portugal sooner! Best wishes, Marion
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Thanks, hon! No point in telling it unless you’re truthful. There’s no question that it has been a life enhancing experience for us, but it does seem a selfish option at times. But then, I always was quite selfish! I’m sure my husband would tell you that. But we’re still together, and going forward 🙂 🙂
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That’s the most important thing, continue enjoying life together wherever you might be!
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Hello Restless Soul! Jo, a tender and honest post about your year in the Algarve! Transitions are never easy even at the best of times and the beauty around you is always there but not the key to happiness. Your posts about your family visits here or in the U.K. shine through with your closeness and joy. One huge advantage as they come to visit you, is that you see them at their most relaxed state, able to fully concentrate on being together with no distractions. Yet,there is the fact of not just being able to drive up/down the road to visit! It is still early days and May you and your husband find peace and harmony in your new homeland … knowing you will continue to be inundated with visitors! Hugs xx ❤️🌺🦋
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I find myself counting the days till my 2 day visit at Christmas for my next hugs, Annika, though there is plenty to keep me occupied in the meantime. 🙂 🙂 Thanks so much for your kind interest and encouragement.
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