Living the dream… 3 months on

It was quite easy to leave England.  Or so I thought!  I had a home in the Algarve, and a ready made life, carefully nurtured over 15 years.  A variety of friends awaited, and activities to engage in.  I loved the place I was moving to.  You’ve seen the photos.  How could I not?  And yet… was the honeymoon over?

There was a certain euphoria in making the dream a reality.  Even saying goodbye to lifelong friends was done with gaiety, each one a celebration of our shared lives.  They could visit, couldn’t they?  And the same for my family, though not without a pang or two.  Everyone was excited and pleased for me.  The move went smoothly.  Fragments of my old life, packed in cardboard boxes, made its way overland to join me.  But when it arrived I was filled with dismay.  Much of it seemed irrelevant to my new life, here in the Algarve, squeezing our comfortable space till it felt cramped.  I closed the door on the second bedroom.  Avoiding it all.

I didn’t miss my old home in the UK, as I thought I might, but I did miss its warmth.  I had moved to a land of sunshine and blue skies, but the house was cold.  Designed to keep out heat in the summer, in the winter they are not so easy to keep warm.  Tiled floors, though beautiful, don’t help.  Out and about and busy in the daytime, I was happy enough, but returning home meant putting on extra layers of clothing.  The house is air-conditioned and individual rooms can be heated, but moving between them was uncomfortable, even with plug-in heaters.  I was miserable, and cross with myself besides.  Why was I not happy?  Everyone knew I was living the dream.

Language is so important to me.  I hide behind photographs, but I deal in words.  Somehow it hadn’t mattered when we came to our holiday home but, proudly obtaining residency, I felt inadequate and frustrated by my inability to converse freely with locals.  I still do, but I’m trying!

So much gloom!  Did you know?  Could you tell?  My life in pictures continued to shine forth at intervals.  I reinstated my Monday walks, reflecting the joy I still found in the amazing outdoors, but on a personal level I couldn’t quite find the idyll.  People here are kind, and my disorientation was noted.  We discussed heating issues, and others, and I was assured that the first year could be difficult.  The weight of expectation, perhaps?

Gradually I am getting there.  Most of the boxes are unpacked, and painting done.  With new settees and carpet our home feels comfortable and welcoming.  But I’m not flexible and adaptable.  Why didn’t I know that about me?  My husband has made the adjustment far better, and retained his much needed sense of humour.  And he can still make me smile.  How lucky am I?  Living in ‘almost paradise’.

Linking to Cathy’s Prose invitation, over on Wander.essence.

159 comments

  1. Jo, I can really relate to this post as we have had two major moves in my adult life. One from Chicago to Nicaragua when our kids finished high school and the other, moving to Sri Lanka. In both cases, my husband too, adjusted easily and way faster that I did. I have learnt that big move, ie from one country to another, s are a mixed bag.

    On the one hand, there is the excitement of the new place and a new adventure… but the reality as you point out, especially at first, is rather daunting. Especially when there is a new language involved. It definitely requires a big transition period. For me, a slow gradual adjustment as I am sensitive to my environment and little things (well big things to me) like discovering that my house is cold in winter, could totally take time and effort to adjust to. But the good news as you know, is of course we do adjust and often it is about coming up with a creative solution. So I relate too to having a great partner who is up beat and has humour and adjusts better than I do. Makes all the difference!!!

    Things only get better !!

    Peta

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. I’ve known many over the years who’ve made the jump from the UK to other parts of Europe, and Thailand, and they all had the same experience. About 3 months into the move when things were adjusting nicely, the first niggles would start. But, all of them told me that it was first year nerves. It suddenly hit them that the enormous thing they’d done could have repercussions never dreamed of in the first glow of the idea of “living the dream”. So, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I think you are very brave to have made the move, I envy your courage. My husband would have liked to live in Spain or Thailand and actually we had bought some land in Spain in the sixties but I could never bring myself to make the move. Putting our minds to it we managed to spend 3 months a year abroad – both self-employed so it made things easier, cram more into the working period – and that seemed to solve the problem. In the end, it was Thailand where we spent our 3 months, Iberia just didn’t give us the heat that we both like.

    And after all that, your love of Portugal shines through and I’d never have guessed you were having the odd moment of annoyance at the cold!

    A lovely post Jo, and thanks for giving the heads up to all who may be considering a move such as yours and letting others know that there is another side to paradise.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Darlin, it was the first 6 weeks I found hard! I hate cold, and being outdoors was bliss, but as soon as you came ‘home’ it was chilly. In the winter the days are shorter so inevitably you were indoors and cool by 4. As the days go by it gets warmer, and our house has been lived in for 3 continuous months and benefits from that. Just a learning experience, Mari. 🙂 🙂 It is what it is, and we’re lucky to have the choice.

      Like

      Reply

  7. A big change is always difficult, even when it’s wanted and much anticipated. It’s like starting a new job and then wondering why on earth you ever thought it would be a good idea. I’m sure you will settle Jo, just give it time. Come summer when it’s warm you will feel more like you’re at home. (Even here tiles are cold. I can never understand why people put them all through a home. In winter it’s like walking on ice. We have polished timber and it’s so much nicer.)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Timber would be good, Carol, but it’s not the style here. I love the tile floors and in summer they are essential, but you can see the problems. 🙂 🙂 Saying that, we have no heating on in the house this evening and it’s perfectly comfortable. Perhaps because, after our Portuguese lesson, we have imbibed a little, in relaxing. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  8. This was a very thoughtful and honest post. Life is never all rainbows and unicorns, yet that’s what we expect … sometimes without even knowing we’re doing it.

    It sounds like you are slowly settling in. Good luck with the language classes. You may find that some level of proficiency will come sooner than you think 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Just home from language class number 8, Joanne, and subsiding in wine to recover. 🙂 🙂 Doesn’t that sound awful? Eventually we hope it will be effortless… give or take a year or six 🙂 You have to smile.

      Like

      Reply

      1. I am smiling because I know exactly what you mean.
        My French is pretty abysmal but my in-laws (most of whom don’t speak English) tell me my French improves significantly after a few glasses of wine 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Jo, you are doing amazing so far and I applaud you and your husband for following your dream. You are living the dream as with all things positive there are the negatives. As long as they don’t outweigh the positives which in your case they don’t.

    We have had cold months in Spain and Turkey so I know what you mean about cold houses nothing a roaring fire can’t fix.

    Have fun with the language classes.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks darlin! I don’t have real adversity to face and I should be grateful beyond measure for that. We have a modern house with no capacity for a log fire but the house is growing warmer as it’s lived in and loved. We know that we are lucky people. A language class has just finished and we’re heading home, via a favourite local restaurant. Who can ask for more? 😙🍷💕 xx

      Like

      Reply

  11. Jo, I love so much how you’ve shared your struggles with adapting to your new home. There is always some culture shock when moving to a new country, even one you’ve visited many times over the years. The language barrier always makes things difficult, because you can’t easily chat with potential Portuguese friends. And it would feel strange to bring things from your home in England to the sunny Algarve. I’m sure if the house is not heated like your home in England, you would feel cold and uncomfortable. I know you’ll eventually feel right at home in Tavira, but I’m sure there will be periods where you feel disoriented. I have faith all will work out. What I love most here is how you’ve shared honestly your struggles with a major move into a new culture. I love this kind of honest and personal post. Thanks so much for sharing and linking, and I’m thrilled to link this to my prose invitation. I really love this. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Hiya darlin! I meant to leave a link on your post but it’s been a busy day. We have just finished a Portuguese class and are sitting in the bar, recovering ☺. We have a great teacher but it’s exhausting. Good for us I think. Your blog is such a great opportunity to share and there will be more. Life isn’t meant to be perfect, is it? Love you hon 💕 xxx

      Like

      Reply

      1. Hi Jo. You did leave a link on my post! How’s the Portuguese class? I would need to recover from that in a bar myself, even if the teacher was good! I’m looking forward to more of your sharing. I think it’s great when people share honestly about the ups and the downs. Keep enjoying your new life. 😊😊

        Like

      2. I meant to put it in the comments, Cathy, but I’m glad you saw it anyway. 🙂 🙂 We’re always relieved when the class is over, but we really need to practise more. I should be doing that now, instead of reading everybody’s lovely comments on here. 🙂 T’ai chi this morning, and I love that. They’re a very mixed bunch of races so I can practise a little hesitant Portuguese there. I desperately need a haircut too, so I may venture into the hairdressers. Wish me luck!

        Like

  12. I like this raw honest post. A big move is never easy I think. Someone told me years ago that it takes 2 years to feel truly at home in a new place – let alone a new country! All you wrote of really resonated with me, especially the part about the house being cold, and the expectation that one *should* be happy, and dealing with a foreign language – that’s easy enough when you’re a visitor but a whole other thing when it’s your home. It’s a lot to adjust to but I have no doubt you’ll find your feet.
    Alison

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks a lot Alison! I’ve had such kind and thoughtful comments. I’m hoping the worst is behind me. We both love this country and the life we have chosen but there are bound to be hiccups. I need to invest more time in the language so I don’t feel isolated. On our way to a Portuguese class now 💕 xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  13. A new country, a new language, a new home is a lot to get used to in a couple of months. It took me about 1 year until I felt “at home” in Australia and this was a move that I really wanted to make. But a strange/different accent, looking for a home to buy, making new friends, new job….
    You’ll get there soon and will feel home then Joanne. At least you are just a short flight away from your old home, I can’t say the same 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  15. “I hide behind photographs, but I deal in words.” That’s a brilliant observation and, in my opinion, a brilliant line. I tried transplantation to a warmer climate and failed miserably, some reasons for which were beyond my control (30%?) and others that were not (70%). But I can see that you will get there. You are much more honest with yourself than I was.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. Culture shock hits around three months … when the honeymoon is over and we see the differences and recognize what we miss. The answer is to accept it as part of the transition and get more involved in the local activities and culture. Other expats will understand and it’s good to share with them and have a few laughs about it all!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. It was actually the first month-6 weeks I found hardest, Val. It is getting better, and I have so many activities and things to do that I’m finding it very hard to keep up the blog. Thank goodness for friends, hey? And husbands 🙂 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  18. Sorry to hear this Jo. It is a huge change. It takes time for a lot of folks to adjust to big changes in their lives. I have heard this lament from retired couples who make a big move in location. Can you give yourself some more slack and time to readjust?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Not as gloomy as I may have painted it, Amanda. I love my life here, but there’s no doubt that it’s very different, and I’m not as adaptable as I hoped I might be. But I’m persevering, and it is still ‘almost paradise’. 🙂 🙂

      Like

      Reply

  20. Jo, congratulations on your move! Life is an adventure. Every place we move to becomes “home” after a while. The “key,” I have found is to see if our “soul” feels happy where we are living or are we just going through the motions. What I mean is… after a while, do we REALLY FEEL this is home. I am still trying to find that place where I KNOW it FEELS like I was destined to live there. GOOD that you are studying the language, THAT will make you feel “at home.” It’s wonderful to be learning and exploring, this will keep you “young at heart.” We look forward to your new walks. :>

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.