Living the dream… 3 months on

It was quite easy to leave England.  Or so I thought!  I had a home in the Algarve, and a ready made life, carefully nurtured over 15 years.  A variety of friends awaited, and activities to engage in.  I loved the place I was moving to.  You’ve seen the photos.  How could I not?  And yet… was the honeymoon over?

There was a certain euphoria in making the dream a reality.  Even saying goodbye to lifelong friends was done with gaiety, each one a celebration of our shared lives.  They could visit, couldn’t they?  And the same for my family, though not without a pang or two.  Everyone was excited and pleased for me.  The move went smoothly.  Fragments of my old life, packed in cardboard boxes, made its way overland to join me.  But when it arrived I was filled with dismay.  Much of it seemed irrelevant to my new life, here in the Algarve, squeezing our comfortable space till it felt cramped.  I closed the door on the second bedroom.  Avoiding it all.

I didn’t miss my old home in the UK, as I thought I might, but I did miss its warmth.  I had moved to a land of sunshine and blue skies, but the house was cold.  Designed to keep out heat in the summer, in the winter they are not so easy to keep warm.  Tiled floors, though beautiful, don’t help.  Out and about and busy in the daytime, I was happy enough, but returning home meant putting on extra layers of clothing.  The house is air-conditioned and individual rooms can be heated, but moving between them was uncomfortable, even with plug-in heaters.  I was miserable, and cross with myself besides.  Why was I not happy?  Everyone knew I was living the dream.

Language is so important to me.  I hide behind photographs, but I deal in words.  Somehow it hadn’t mattered when we came to our holiday home but, proudly obtaining residency, I felt inadequate and frustrated by my inability to converse freely with locals.  I still do, but I’m trying!

So much gloom!  Did you know?  Could you tell?  My life in pictures continued to shine forth at intervals.  I reinstated my Monday walks, reflecting the joy I still found in the amazing outdoors, but on a personal level I couldn’t quite find the idyll.  People here are kind, and my disorientation was noted.  We discussed heating issues, and others, and I was assured that the first year could be difficult.  The weight of expectation, perhaps?

Gradually I am getting there.  Most of the boxes are unpacked, and painting done.  With new settees and carpet our home feels comfortable and welcoming.  But I’m not flexible and adaptable.  Why didn’t I know that about me?  My husband has made the adjustment far better, and retained his much needed sense of humour.  And he can still make me smile.  How lucky am I?  Living in ‘almost paradise’.

Linking to Cathy’s Prose invitation, over on Wander.essence.

159 comments

  1. I sincerely appreciate your thoughts … Jo!!

    “Change” generally takes the form of an event; it is the “transition process” from the old to the new that can be chaotic. It’s the living through the not knowing of the “in-between” stage that is challenging.

    I am sure you will find the way ! I trust you !!!!!!

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  2. I too have been wondering if the transition was proving not as easy as you imagined. Despite your constant visits over the years they were always going to be different than when permanently living there. Having a ready made circle of friends does help I am sure, but makes speaking the local language more difficult. Maybe the house is more suited to a holiday home and you need to go looking for something that is more residential and more homely? Like others have said, it does take time to truly settle, and some people never do, it is nothing to be ashamed of. We are what we are. During my 12 years living in SA there were often times when I longed for England, but I never thought I would live here again. Returning was a shock and it took me a good couple of years to adjust. The cold was excruciating! There are times when I think I never have settled, hence the constant moves, but you just have to get on with life and Cornwall does feel like a good place for me. Enjoy your new life and its pleasures, but remember you CAN always have a home in both countries. Maybe a little pied-à-terre in Yorkshire. You may have untied the knot, but it is not irreversible. Take care my friend ❤

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    1. I simply felt I should share some of the downside, Jude, instead of always being upbeat. I feel that people deserve honesty as they have followed the journey so patiently. I’m far from miserable but I am a creature of moods. It wouldn’t be natural if there were no negatives, would it? But there is no intention to change anything right now. I need to work more on the language but I also want to enjoy my life. There’s plenty of scope to do both. Thanks for your thoughts and support, darlin. Just spent an hour on homework. Need to rescue the cat bowl next. Marie is in the UK till Friday 💕🐱 xxx

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      1. You and that bloomin’ cat! I think it is lovely that you are so honest Jo, settling in another place, never mind country does take time and not everything is perfect. Often far from it. I was miserable when we moved to Ludlow as it meant being away from the grandchildren whilst they were still young and the move I had considered was west, not back to the Midlands. Eventually I grew to love the town, but I still resented missing out. At that point though we had no choice. Family ties are definitely a huge factor in where we live and how we feel emotionally.

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  3. Jo, I do so understand how you can feel in spite of how perfect everything is around you.
    I love Portugal myself but have only spent holidays there.
    It is more difficult than we think to leave family and friends behind even if it is a short flying distance.

    One great leveller and help is to learn the language and immerse in it. You will feel much more at home
    when you can be part of the natural life around and have friends who don’t see you as expat.

    Encourage more family to visit and stay a bit. You will be alright but the heart is still trying to settle.
    It will!
    Hug 🤗

    Miriam

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    1. Bless you, Miriam, for your kind remarks. I do need to put more effort into the language. We listen to Portuguese radio and TV, and do the homework but it needs more than that. We have family and friends coming out soon, and life is mostly too busy to fret. We’ve met some lovely people here. Just need a little more time to adjust. 🙂 🙂

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  4. Ah dear, Jo.There is always another side to things, but you WILL sort it. Just wondering if you can’t find a way to install a small woodburning stove? In a climate like yours they would probably only a need a metal flue. Tx

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    1. I think I’m over the worst, Tish. 🙂 🙂 The house has warmed up since we’ve been living in it, and warmer weather is here too. Last week we were shopping for an awning to keep the sun off! 🙂 We looked at the pellet burner solution but it won’t work for us, but we will have more know how by this time next year. The year is racing past and we have family and friends coming soon. Never a dull moment, and mostly smiling 🙂 🙂

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  5. Oh Jo. Your post made me feel ever so much for you. I am glad there are so many people who can help. The replies are a godsend. You will be fine as M will be able to bring you sunshine. Espero ver você este ano algum dia. Estou ansioso para visitar Portugal e espero ver você e Becky

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind words, Brian. 🙂 🙂 Life here is a very long way from awful, as I guess you can tell from my walks, but there’s often a downside, isn’t there? Don’t worry- I’m still smiling, and eating cake 🙂

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    1. You’re right, Colline! It needs more time. We have already sorted some of the problems, but I wanted to be as honest as possible. I owe that to my readers, as well as myself. 🙂 🙂 Thanks for being a support, hon.

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    1. More than anything I hate being isolated by the language, Jill, and that needs a lot more effort on my part. Too busy enjoying life 🙂 🙂 But we only have one! And I’m doing my best 🙂 Hugs, darlin!

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  9. Jo, it’s touching to read your open post about your big move to Portugal. I think you’ve found the exact reason for the mixed emotions … expectations were so high at the start. Whilst preparing to move the positives shine bright, and since you knew the place so well, you were fully aware of its beauty and idyllic location. Moving is stressful … always! And whilst this is something you want so much, I can fully understand that it will take time to fully ‘land’ there as a permanent resident. I would say give yourself time, don’t knock yourself if you feel a bit low. With your husband’s humour and smiles, the sun outside I am sure you will soon feel grounded. As for the cold house, I really feel for you. That is not fun at all and having experienced Greek holiday homes during cold Easter breaks they are impossible to heat properly. Once we came back with pneumonia, after having to spend an extra week in a hotel to recover. Do the locals have some secret solution to warming up the whole house? Tricky.

    Good luck with the language lessons and I think this will make a huge difference for you … and reading your comment above I realise how difficult it is with so many around you talking English.

    Spring is soon here, warmer weather for you, indoors and out, and hopefully you will feel that sunshine in your heart. Warmest hugs, my friend! 🤗

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    2. Thanks for your always kind and helpful thoughts, Annika. 🙂 🙂 We are already on the way to solving some of the problems. The house feels warmer with us living in it for a while, and the weather… well, who can argue with that? We shopped for an awning to keep the sun off the other day! Returning the hugs 🙂

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  11. Such a big transition takes time. I found just moving across the state last year really made me feel very unsettled and I have moved many, many times in my life. I still miss much about my old locality but am slowly adjusting to my new life. The turning point was subtle. It wasn’t until I madeva return visit to my old lIcality that i really began to embrace my new life.
    I’m still workjng on making this place more homely though.

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      1. Yes, it is a lovely place. Transitions are hard. Maybe making a private journal of your thoughts, feelings and photos might help you sort through the strong feelings you are having. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge we feel confused, maybe lonely and even a bit scared. We become stronger through the process.

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  12. Like LD said, the key is to not look back! We left Brazil to the US (supposedly for 3-4 years) and never returned (just on holidays). Then, after 20 plus years in Washington, D.C. we moved to L.A. much to our DC friends horror! Seven years later, a lot is not what we expected: difficult to make friends in a city where everybody lives an hour away because of traffic; the fires; the droughts; the possibility of a huge earthquake (little ones happened all the time), etc… But I don’t look back. This is our home now. You can do the same. Hugs! Aproveite muito as belezas, as comidas e os vinhos de Portugal!!!

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  14. Thank you for being so honest, Jo. I spent all my childhood moving from one place to another and it took a long while to settle. At one time my husband was keen to move permanently to Portugal and even though I have lived abroad before I did not want to leave the UK permanently. We have children & grandchildren close by and health problems mean the NHS is invaluable. I feel a Portuguese house in the winter is like living in the 1950s with draughty bathrooms & kitchens but the sunshine and the flowers are wonderful. We have had several years of Portuguese lessons & can cope with written text but my speaking & listening is awful. We have given up lessons at present. I am sure living here that you will gradually gain confidence. xx

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  16. Oh Jo, this resonated so very much with me. Much as I love Spain, I too struggled behind the scenes. And I picked up the language pretty quickly which helped but I did find that in Spain (at least, it may be different in Portugal), friendships had already been formed in people my age, especially within closely knit family groups who didn’t need anyone else. I filled my days with the blog, sewing, cooking, especially as at the start Big Man was out working. Winters were the worst, the same issues as you. Fires are all very romantic but when you have to light it, clean it, shift and stack the wood etc and it only heats one room in the house…not so romantic. Even now people think we go to Spain to escape the winter in England. Far from it, we like our central heating here! It will eventually get easier, but if you ever want to talk to someone who really knows, drop me an email to lachicaandaluza@gmail.com I’d be really happy for us to chat!

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    1. Bless you, darlin! That’s so kind. 🙂 🙂 People here have been lovely and I now have a wide social circle. Much more than I ever did in England, in all probability 🙂 But it’s not ‘instant dream’. We don’t have the capacity for a log fire, but we are resolving some issues, and the house has warmed up with us living in it. The sun terrace is melting some days! Careful what you wish for, hey? Thanks, again! 🙂

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  18. Sending hugs xx

    Was wondering if the transition was proving tricky. You will I’m sure soon feel settled and warm, and this tricky period will be a distant memory. At least this winter is enabling your lovely walks and local adventures 😊 maybe though a scooter for those days when M is painting!!

    Take care, and let’s fix another lunch date soon Bxxx

    PS have you seen those clever under rug heaters, might help! I’ll send the link via twitter.

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    1. Ooh, a practical solution! Good lass 🙂 🙂 I wondered if I was being a bit of a drama queen posting this, Becky, but I do feel that I should tell the whole story. You know just how good life here can be.

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      1. I can see you on the scooter, in fact have you seen that Faro has some you can hire. We should go and play 😉

        And definitely not a drama queen. You’re being honest about the realities, which is good for your sanity 😊 as you say the benefits of living here are amazing so in time I’m sure it will get better, and better xxx

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      2. Thanks, darlin! Reality beckons- off to strip the bed and do my Portuguese homework, not to mention feed that darn cat over the road. Woe is me! 🙂 🙂 You return to UK next week? Must check dates etc with you.

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  19. I guess it’s not something you think too deeply about until you are there living in the situation. Maybe it’s all the excitement initially and then the uncertainty kicks in. Hang in there lovely, you will find the way. Sending you a big hug. Xx

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